Dedicated to my Darling Emma!
Someone once told me that we choose our parents before we are born for the purpose of our soul’s karmic needs.
I laughed. The idea of us having that much control and say, seemed far fetched. At that time, it was easier for me to believe that we were born randomly into this world and into a family. Call it luck of the draw.
I have to admit, I was always fascinated by the concept of karma, the afterlife and reincarnation, but never gave much weight to the belief of being able to design and choose the course of my life in advance. It was something that I was not able to embrace. Add to the mix the fact that children are born to abusive parents made me wonder why anyone would choose such a life.
My bias aside, many people believe that before we incarnate, we make soul agreements and choose the type of life we’d like to experience and lessons we’d like to learn. We choose our parents in advance based on what they have to offer us to help us fulfill those agreements. We choose the important people in our lives ahead of time to help us advance, overcome and heal things that we wish to experience in this three dimensional life as well as to repay unfinished karmic debts from previous lives.
Sounded woo-woo to me until everything changed.
What changed, you ask? Keep reading.
Once upon a dream…
I was debating whether to have a second child, giving that in my mind, I had already reached perfection with the birth of my first daughter Victoria. Why tempt fate was my attitude. Loving someone the same way I did Victoria was something I couldn’t fathom. I didn’t think it possible and felt it wouldn’t be fair. If not for my daughter asking me to have a sibling, I would likely have not have been open to another child.
When I did decide to have another child, I thought it would be great to have a son. My ‘A-type’ personality had me engage the services of a woman in Wisconsin, Milwaukee who had an eighty eight percent success rate in helping women conceive the gender of their choice.
“Great,” I thought. “Eighty eight percent is better than fifty percent.”
Without a minute to waste I was on the telephone with this woman who gave a detailed list of things to eat and do. I had to test my pee several times a day to make sure I was ovulating. Everything was planned and calculated including when and how the deed was to take place.
To me it was an automatic that I was going to have a son. I chose the name, Samuel, even before conception. I was crazy enough to buy little blue shoes that my eldest daughter still keeps today in a keepsake box.
A Match Made in Heaven
The night of the deed I went to bed all excited assuming it was a done deal.
That night I went into a deep sleep. I felt myself walk into a stark white room. I did not know where I was because I could not recognize anything. In fact, there was nothing around except whiteness, empty space and rows of babies. Yes, crazy.There were babies in long rows on each side of the room and I was in the middle of it all. It was surreal.
I saw myself almost float towards one side of the room. I would have the intention in my mind of where I wanted to move and I would somehow float there. As I approached the babies, I gravitated towards what I intuitively knew were the boys. I was standing there looking in detail at every baby and thinking,
“Am I supposed to pick one? Why am I here? Where am I?”
As I stood there revelling in the many choices, I felt something touch my leg from behind. I looked behind me at eye level, but I saw nothing. I returned to my amusement and when I was ready to pick up a baby boy, I felt something tug my leg once more. Again I turned, this time fully and what I saw surprised me.
I saw a baby girl, bald with fair skin, the softest cutest chubby legs and deep grey blue eyes. She was pulling on my leg. I knelt down to her level to see her better and when our eyes met there was a sensation of returning home. I can’t even begin to explain the depth of the feeling I had. This baby girl was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I was lost in her smile. It was a smile meant just for me. It lit up my life.
She kept tugging on my leg until I finally decided to pick her up in my arms. I was looking to see where she came from so I may return her to the row she must have crawled out of.
When I had her in my arms something strange happened. I felt as though I knew her already and she fit so perfectly in my arms. I forgot all about the boys behind me and was lost in her eyes that for some reason wouldn’t stop looking into mine. I was smitten. It was pure love at first sight. I felt such a deep love for this being that I had no idea where it came from or why she came to me, but for some reason, this baby girl was choosing me.
I don’t recall how long this beautiful baby girl stayed in my arms or how long I was in that white space that I now call ‘heaven.’ I had no conception of time or how the dream ended. All I recall is waking up in my bed and knowing that I had been in the presence of an angel.
I never mentioned this to anyone because I did not want to jinx my plans to conceive the son that I wanted so much. Just shy of my fourth month I was hardly showing. I went to the butcher at Nortown to buy some meat and as I was checking out the cashier said to me me,
“It’s a girl.”
“Excuse me?” I said confused, thinking perhaps I heard wrong. I turned my head to see behind perhaps she was talking to someone else. There was no one else. She was talking to me,
“It’s a girl. You are having a girl”
I smiled and said,
“It’s too soon to tell. I haven’t had an ultrasound yet, but I feel that I am having a boy.”
“No,” she insisted.
“It’s a girl and she will be very close with you. Your connection is going to be powerful and if she could crawl back inside you, she would. She’s a special one. You are very fortunate”
I smiled and thanked the cashier. I walked out, put the shopping cart back and I looked back at the cashier, but no one was there.
The big day came to go to see my doctor to do the ultrasound. I was excited to find out the gender. The doctor told me what my heart already knew, but my brain did not want to admit. Sure enough, it was a girl!
That same day, I went back to Nortown to look for the mysterious woman to tell her that she was right. I looked all over the store but could not find her, so I asked the woman behind the counter who had been there for so many years that I was looking for a young woman and I proceeded to describe her in detail. I was assured that there was nobody working there that matched my description. Disappointed I went home, but I still could hear the mystery woman’s words echoing in my memory.
I went back to Nortown often during the following months and each time I had the hope to encounter my mysterious lady, yet always came back wondering if I had just imagined the entire thing.
Nine months later and two weeks ahead of schedule at 4:13 am on September 9, 2007 I gave birth to the angel I had met in heaven. My baby girl was exactly like I saw her in my dream. My baby girl came out perfect, chubby, fair skin, bald, dark blue-grey eyes and with that smile that lit my entire world.
As soon as my daughter was placed on my chest I forgot all about wanting a son. Nothing seemed to matter at that point except that I was holding her for the second time in my arms and nobody knew this, but her and I. As she lay there on my chest skin to skin I whispered in her ear,
“I am so happy to see you again, I have been waiting for you.”
Something incredibly special bonds a mother to her child. It is something that all mothers understand yet is impossible to explain in words. But the connection to this angel went beyond the natural bond of mother-child. It was a bond I felt in the depths of my soul came form a life before this one. It was an inner-knowing that this angel had chosen me and I had witnessed it in my dream, a premonition perhaps.
After this, I became more open to the concept of soul contracts and our ability to choose the life and people we need in our lives to help us fulfill our journey.
Having done much spiritual work in recent years, I have come to appreciate more and more this gift I was given. Yet at my daughter’s birth I still did not understand the reasons why she chose me or what our contract to each other was going to be.
A Path of Discoveries
At around the age of three, my daughter Emma began to speak to ‘imaginary friends.’ I did not think much of it as I had always heard is either due to a child’s overactive imagination or the fact that the child may feel lonely when their siblings are at school so they create these friends in their head as a substitute. Yet this was new to me as my first child, Victoria, never had imaginary friends.
Max was the name of Emma’s imaginary friend and he was always around. Emma talked to Max all day long and at times she would scold him for things that he was doing. I chuckled and thought it was cute. Now in my spiritual awakening and being more in tune to energy and spirit guides, I have come to understand that Max was as real as you and I, but invisible to our filtered eyes.
As the years passed, Emma began to tell me at nights when we were in bed that angels were in the room next to me whispering messages that they wanted me to know. At first I thought it was cute and dismissed it as things that all kids say. As time went by, she began to relate information she said the angels were saying and my God the messages were incredible. They would always come at a time when my soul needed comfort the most.
Emma related information that was not possible for a child her age to know. My daughter gave me advice about what she was feeling about my romantic relationship at the time and to draw my attention to things I did not want to see. It is scary when your young child sees what I insisted in not seeing. You can read about it in my articles Whispers of an Angel and The Tracks of my Life.
Emma was so incredibly insightful that I began to record her conversations with me. These magical conversations with my daughter happened at unexpected times. Our conversations included what it means to die and what happens. I was told by my baby girl that we never die and that we simply go back to where we came from, the infinite energy field where we belong.
Emma spoke about divorce, friendship, love and how one achieves true love. I was told about our planet and how we are one with the earth and that we are all linked and that this plane of existence is just temporary. My daughter is spiritual and profoundly perceptive and intuitive.
By this point I knew I had a special child in my hands. I began to research Indigo children and I was shocked to discover that Emma exhibits almost every characteristic of an Indigo Child. For those of you who have never heard the term ‘Indigo Child’, it is a child that possesses extraordinary insight into the human condition and ability to see the truth clearly. Indigo Children are spiritual, gifted old souls possessing abilities to communicate with spirit guides and see visions.
One day, I happened to be in Miami and someone told me to go see a Cuban lady who is well known for her precognition abilities. I always liked mediums and psychics, but looked at them as merely entertainment so I went expecting another quack. The minute I walked in and sat down she said,
“You have two daughters. Who is the more light hair of the two?”
The shock took me by surprise. I have seen many psychics in my life to know the tricks they play on our minds, but this one was specific, she said two daughters and most psychic would have said, ‘you have two children or two kids.’ Even more strange because I have dark hair, but both my kids have very light brown hair and Emma was especially blonde at the time. So the chances of the psychic knowing that my youngest daughter had such light hair by looking at me were nil. I answered,
“The younger one. Why?”
“She is powerful. It is not my intention to scare you, but you must understand your daughter comes from a long line of witches. She is a witch of witches. She has the ability to hear and see beyond the veil and she has come to help you fulfill your gift.”
I began to feel anxious and my throat went dry so I began to cough, — a sign that I am freaking out for sure. The psychic continued,
“Have you noticed if your daughter speaks to people you can’t see? Pay attention to things she says because she has chosen you also to help her cultivate and expand her abilities. If they aren’t fostered she can loose them,” she concluded.
By this point I would have been cutting my session short with what I would have thought was a crock of shit. But not this time. The psychic was telling me things that I knew were already happening and there was no way she could have known that.
Years have now passed and this beautiful angel, otherwise known as my daughter, continues to evolve at a rate that far exceeds my expectations and her years.
Emma exhibits an enormous respect for our planet and our humanity. It feels like we often share a brain and a heart. Emma is so in tune with my feelings even when we are miles apart and we speak on the phone. She just knows when I am sad even though I do a great job at concealing my hurt. There is no point. Emma is connected to the depths of my soul.
A shared experience of consciousness
Talk about sharing a heart and a brain, the following is an example of what I am trying to convey. One early morning I awoke to do my 5:30 am meditation. I had one of the most profound visions about our planet and our humanity. I was given the gift of seeing and experiencing everything that creates the human experience. The visions were so powerful that tears were pouring down my cheeks.
At 7:15 am I returned to the bedroom to wake Emma up to get ready for school. As soon as she opened her eyes she say,
“Mommy, I had a dream that I was auditioning for a play.”
Emma loves to act so it is not a surprise her vision would come in a way that she could understand and relate to. My daughter continued,
“In the dream I was upset because I did not get the role I wanted. Instead they gave me the role of the Universe and not enough lines. You pulled me aside and told me,
‘Being the Universe is the most important role. The Universe is love and truth and it is what gives life and that is who you are. I think it is the perfect role for you’
So I felt better Mommy and I went back on the stage and said my lines which told the story of how the Universe was created and all the things that are here for us to experience.”
I could not believe what I was hearing. How was it possible that both Emma and I were sharing the same experience at the precise time I was having my vision?
When I related what had happened to my spiritual teacher, she explained that it is common in times of mediation to elevate to a higher realm and perhaps for that moment in time Emma and I both elevated to the level of a shared consciousness because in the end that is who we truly are — one universal consciousness.
Emma is an empath, an evolved soul and my angel whisper. When I hit the darkest time in my life, it was my daughter’s love and encouragement that placed me on the path that I am on today. I now follow a spiritual practice that has given me purpose in my life. Today I am clear of the contract we shared with one another.
I began to follow Emma’s advice to see with my heart. I now know that there is a world behind the veil we live in and that love is the only true and lasting emotion that makes us who we are. Love is what binds us as one.
My spiritual teacher explained that Emma chose me for this precise reason. My daughter’s contract was to come to help me find my spiritual path and by me finding mine I would in turn also serve as Emma’s anchor and example for her to find hers.
I live in gratitude that I was fortunate to have been chosen to be the mother of such an incredible soul. I often say that I must have done something right great in my previous lives or on this one to have deserved such a gift. After all I discovered my fear of not being able to love again was unfounded. My heart is larger and more capable of loving than I had expected. My fears of not being able to love another child were simply fears. My heart continues to demonstrate that I have the capacity to love each of my daughters to infinity and back.
This year my daughter turns 11, but realistically she is 11 going on 100. Emma, thank you for showing me the way and for being that beautiful reminder that life is such a worthy journey. Thank you for choosing me my love. Thank you for being my rock, my moral compass, my life force, my inspiration and my greatest teacher. I intend to make you proud and be a worthy role model for you always and what better way to do this than by taking personal responsibility for my life and my journey and by fulling my destiny.
I love you from the depths of my soul and if I ever come back again to this plane of existence, I would want to share the journey with you always. I know it was you who chose me in heaven, but I choose you here on earth — every day, every second of my life. Know you are loved and admired by your mother. You make this journey here on earth amazing, but incredibly difficult for me to ever want to leave it.
You often ask me how long I will live or how long I will be with you. While I can’t promise you to stay here for the rest of your life, I can promise to love you for the rest of mine.
If your role was to come to impact this world know that you have already, in such a short time, impacted and changed mine.
You have made a believer out of me. There is no question now in my mind. We choose the important people in our lives ahead of time to help us advance, heal, grow and evolve. You have already done that for me and so much more. You have given me more love and happiness than I ever thought was possible.
As I write this, there is a deep sense of gratitude that overtakes my soul. My heart is imbued with faith, love and a sense of peace that comes from the inner knowing that I was CHOSEN BY AN ANGEL
Forever in-love, your Mama!
Happy 11th birthday angel of my life