If you’ve ever had a fight with your partner that left you feeling hurt, angry and doubtful…keep reading! When two people come together, they are bound to run into disagreements.  It is normal to disagree on things from time to time because you are both different people, with different views of the world. In fact, all couples need a healthy dose of arguments to further learn about each other and re-affirm their boundaries. 

As an example, if we didn’t have the night how would we appreciate the day and vice-versa?

Everyone needs contrast to appreciate and know what they like and don’t like.

Couples who never argue are in a dangerous, unhealthy zone of passivity, stuffed emotions, and lack of self advocacy.  So, expect that occasionally you will have those moments when you will not see eye-to-eye and you will have to express your concern. The damage occurs, however, when we escalate from a disagreement to a fight. For disagreements to turn into fights, it requires the person to enter an altered state in which your thinking brain gets hijacked by your emotions.  When this happens, we are unable to reason and think clearly. Our instinct is to armor up and fight for self-preservation.

Fighting with a partner under a triggered state is dangerous because it can quickly escalate to hurtful breakups.  

Do you know the most powerful weapon in the world?  WORDS  A relationship that took years to create can be ruined in seconds.

A relationship without conflict is impossible.  What is possible however, is to find ways to better communicate our feelings and express our hurt without escalating to that place where we begin to create dreadful and fatalistic stories that only lead to further hurt. It is amazing the damage and pain we cause to ourselves by thought alone.  It is crucial to stay in control of your thinking brain and allow space to objectively think about the situation without the filters of the past hurts. 

I am a believer that when a process of self-regulation and de-escalation is learned and practiced, you can have responsible and conscious arguments with your partner that leave each other feeling like they learned and obtain something from the argument.  If done properly, the outcome should be one that has you walk away stronger and more committed to each other.  This is why I’ve created a two part video with my de-escalation steps to help you better navigate those moments when you feel hurt and angry with your partner. 

It is a process that will help you understand yourself better and give you perspective and depth for each other’s side.  To get free access click here and sign up to get your, How to Fix a Relationship After a Big Fight (De-escalation Process).