I recently went through a difficult moment with my partner of a few years. It is amazing that even after one works on oneself and does the work to live a more conscious life, the Universe/Life throws curveballs at us. I often wonder if she does it to make sure we are actually mastering the lessons.
Since the beginning of this pandemic, I’ve heard people say how difficult this has been on couples and specifically on marriages, but until it happens to you, it doesn’t register. I thought we were immune to the stresses that couples are experiencing due to the current state of the world.
I want to share with you a teaching moment that I had. My entire life I heard people tell me that good relationships are about giving 50/50. If one failed to give their 50 percent, then it could lead to resentment and imbalance. So, I spent my 20s and 30s giving my 50% hoping that it would do the trick and it did until it didn’t.
I then stepped into my 40’s and as I learned more and more about life and love with ups and the downs of relationships and the heartache that often goes with loving someone, my belief of what I was told changed. I realized that giving 50 percent was ok for a good relationship, but if I wanted to create a Great Relationship, then one has to give 100% each and any less from each other could lead to resentment and imbalance. I hoped that once we did this, it would do the trick and it did, until it didn’t.
So here is what I’ve recently learned, and it was a big aha moment for me and for him. Sometimes we are so stuck in our beliefs and thinking that when something falls out of those set perimeters, we don’t know what to do and self-protection becomes our armour.
What I discovered is that giving 100% to a relationship does indeed build Great Relationships but if you want to now build an Extraordinary Relationship there is another equation you must be willing to consider. However, this equation is only to be used sparingly and for short periods of time only. And that is — you must be ready to sometimes show up to the relationship with your full 100 and be ok with 90/10 if that is all that your partner can give. Stress and especially this pandemic affect couples differently. So, I learned that sometimes it will be my turn to show up with the entire sum to carry the other in those times of need knowing full well, that when and if the roles are reversed the other person will carry you as well. And that is the equation for extraordinary loves. It is not about giving up when one is running on a bandwidth of 10, it is about carrying the other to the finish line.
Remember relationships are our biggest teacher for growth, as Marianne Williamson says, “Relationships are laboratories of the spirit, hospitals of the soul. The place where the wounds we hold are brought up because that is the only place where they can be healed.”
I hope this message has touched you. If you missed the Youtube video on this subject, you could watch it: https://youtu.be/ll6CBEa849U